Navigating Prejudice in Friendship
Someone said, “ If you are not sure about character of a person, look at his friends…..” Do I need to say anything more? It says everything and doesn’t need any further elaboration.
Someone also said, “ When you love some person, you will not be able to see his/her flaws; for focus is not to look at his/her flaws, focus is on his/her qualities for which you love him/her. Flaws, even if they are there and are significant and cannot be easily pardoned , yet the person who loves him/her will ignore or overlook those flaws, and will not like his/her peace of mind, for the views he hold for that person, to be distributed.
The vice versa is also true, viz, “ if you do not like someone or hate someone for any reasons whatsoever, you will never be able to see any good he/she may possess, and shall still like to hold on to your opinions about that person.
Both cases, whether you love or hate, you feel safe to stay in your comfort zone and deny/refuse to entertain any new perspective about the person you love/hate.
When you shut your doors on new piece of information that has come to your notice and the perspective it shows, overlook or stamp out the logical conclusions it throws, it means you are loving holding on to your prejudices and are happy to stay in your comfort zone whatever the fact of matter may be. In this case you exercise a choice to stay deaf and blind to whatever is visible and is being heard.
In the other case of 'hate/dislike, if you decide to stay with your comfort zone, you are denying a genuine person, who has improved over period of time, the benefits of his/her improved conduct or the positive traits he/she has acquired over a period of time, which shall be a stark injustice to him/her. Even God forgives, and who are we not to change our opinion on a person who has significantly improved behaviour.
The downside of following your emotions in such cases is that one you love, has a chance to correct and improve if gets the right feedback for the wrongs he has done, and could turn out to be still a better person and a lovable too. And the one who has moved from 'bad' to 'good' (hate/dislike syndrome) too deserves to be acknowledged for improvements a person has done over himself/herself.
It is said, “ we don’t hold prejudices/opinions; instead, prejudices/opinions hold us.”Know the psychological barriers we ourselves create, and try to work on it and attempt to overcome such self-imposed mind-blocks, and be an all time rational person.
The question over here now is that why we want to stay committed to the person we love, despite apparent deficiencies he has been found to be besieged with and brought to our knowledge now. And why we refuse to love someone we hated earlier for the good work/information we got to know about that person now. Why, we humans, refuse to be rational and open to new information and realign our approach/opinion about persons/situations. Why loyalty/approvals/rejections be not a work-in-process as we cruise through our life.
Friendship/Loyalty commands premium. Choose intelligently, and that is possible only when you are rational, and you do not allow yourself to be carried away by what others are saying. Have your own opinion.
Set yourself free. Drop your opinions/prejudices about people/situations and look afresh, pragmatically. The world has more to love. Give it a chance. The world is beautiful.